Guidelines for Interpersonal Tensions and Grievance

Trillium AwakeningTM educational offerings and coaching services comprise a spiritual path and community of practice that includes teachers, mentors, area coordinators, community leaders, and many wonderful people with a wide range of skills and personalities. And wherever people gather, conflicts will arise in due course—it’s just part of being human, and especially so when you are engaging in mutuality.

If you are experiencing tensions or conflict with someone on the Trillium path, here are the steps we recommend you follow along with a decision tree to help you navigate your issue (the Guidelines to Interpersonal and Organizational Tensions, Ethical and Member Agreement Issues, And Grievance document explores this in great detail):

1)  Stepping Back 
Recognize that you’ve just been triggered by something said or done by another individual and that your inherent psychological defensive mechanisms have been activated. It is also most likely that some form of emotional wave is arising in your body. For most people, the immediate reaction is to lash out as a protective act. We ask that you try to refrain from such a reactive responses unless you are in physical danger. Typically, it takes time for the emotional wave to peak and begin to dissipate. For some people the emotional wave may peak in a few minutes, for others it may days or weeks. Take the necessary time to allow you emotions to settle.

Note: And, naturally, “flaming” or making disparaging or demeaning remarks about another person has no place in this work. Please refrain from engaging in such behavior.

2) Personal Work
The Interpersonal Tensions Committee feels that taking time to do your own intrapersonal work at this point creates space around the event and helps to develop perspective regarding what happened. You’re triggered, there’s something within you that is being activated. Yes, the other involved triggered you, but it is your trigger. Many times the other involved has no idea that you have this particular trigger or that they’ve triggered you, so instead of confronting them immediately with blaming and anger, we recommend taking some time exploring what is behind the activation.

3) Re-engaging
Now that you’ve explored the incident either by yourself or with the help of another, you may want to approach the person who activated you to try to re-establish interdependence with them, that is, to get into right relation with them again. This step has a number of potential avenues that can be followed (Section I: Step 3 in the Interpersonal document.) This may involve a One-on-One conversation or one mediated by a teacher(s) or other third party.

Note: If the other person does not agree to move forward with conflict resolution, it’s best to give them some space and time. You can check back in a few months to see if he or she feels differently. If not, it is best to honor the other person’s choice. It can be very difficult to hold this kind of tension, so be sure to get support from a teacher or other members of your support team.

Special situations:  Communications via email and text seem especially prone to misunderstandings due to the difficulty of conveying subtle feelings through this medium, or expressing care and concern for the other person as you would naturally do in an in-person situation.  We recommend, at the earliest opportunity, getting on the phone or meeting in person to address any such misunderstandings before they get blown all out of proportion.

4) Restorative Practices
 If the issue cannot be resolved by yourself or with the help of a third party, then it might be time to bring it to a larger venue and use one of the restorative practices outlined in the Interpersonal document in Section 1: Step 4. These might include a Restorative Justice circle, a Restorative Talking Circle or a Restorative Circle process.

And, naturally, “flaming” or making disparaging or demeaning remarks about another person has no place in this work. Please refrain from engaging in such behavior.

In the Trillium path, our preferred modality to resolve differences is to follow the steps above in all cases except where violations of our ethics policy are the issue needing attention.  If you think your situation might be of that nature, please read the section below, and consult a teacher you trust or the Interpersonal Tensions Committee for further guidance.

A note about the Trillium Awakening Grievance Process

Members of the Trillium Awakening Teachers Circle (TATC) have all agreed to abide by an ethics policy with real consequences for violating it.  In the event of infringements, a teacher’s colleagues and/or members of their current mutuality group first attempt to counsel that party about how to make amends, if appropriate, or possibly do some deep personal work to address the issues underlying the behavior that is out of integrity.

In cases of substantial violation, or when attempts at offering support and coaching have proven insufficient to bring about a change in behavior, a Grievance Committee must be convened by the Trillium Awakening Operations Circle. The Grievance Committee is tasked with investigating the issue at hand, and determining what course of action is necessary and appropriate.  The goal is for a teacher’s trust to be restored among his or her colleagues, and, after following a prescribed remedial course of action, to continue serving as a “teacher in good standing”.

With severe ethical violations, the Grievance Committee has the power to immediately remove the offending teacher from membership in the Trillium Awakening Teachers Circle.

The Grievance Process is a formal undertaking that is required only rarely, and a Grievance Committee is convened only when sufficient evidence warrants it and should be considered only as a last resort.

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Any questions?

For personal assistance, please send an email to the
Trillium Awakening office at info@trilliumawakening.org