In the Trillium community, mutuality is a relationship disposition that holds both self and others as unique expressions of Being. In our work, it is practiced by people on the path of embodied awakening who find themselves drawn to experience unprecedented depth of connection.
We encourage practicing mutuality by…
- Holding self and others as mysteries we can at best know only partially over time
- Consciously holding the tension of the differences between our perspectives and those held by others
- Listening deeply with the intention of feeling the other and honoring the logic of their being
- Speaking our truth with sensitivity to our impact on the other
- Learning when to speak and when to be silent as others find safety to relate with deeper feeling
- Taking appropriate responsibility and apologizing when we discover we’ve hurt others
- Negotiating agreements and setting boundaries as needed to support safe and harmonious mutual exchanges
Mutuality does not mean…
- Encouraging people to be more social than they prefer
- Dividing sharing time equally
- Waiting until everyone feels good before ending conversations
- Always feeling safe
- Being expected to lean into deep engagement
- Expecting or pressuring others to drop into deep or intense feeling states
- Requiring others to welcome or greenlight your words or actions
- Valuing “radical honesty” over being attuned to others
The practice of mutuality is not formulaic, and will not prevent or solve all relationship issues. But in our experience, when practiced over time with those you care about and who care about you, it brings deep healing to our patterning, and remarkable intimacy that is mutually empowering.
Ultimately, mutuality is the realization that self and other are both aspects of Being. As this awareness becomes deeply embodied, it becomes obvious that honor and compassion toward self is honor and compassion toward others. Through practice, increasing skill is gained, and one finds more confidence in relating—for both mutual nourishment and the deeper self-awareness that comes from seeing yourself through the other’s eyes.
For more information about what we mean by mutuality and how we practice it, we welcome you to read our essays and books, take our Discovery Course, view our videos, and ask questions of your teacher. And most importantly, participate in live events where you can see and be seen, and meet and be met, by others practicing mutuality on the path of embodied awakening.
If you’re experiencing conflict with another member of our community, including a mentor or teacher, we recommend you take appropriate steps to resolve it. If you are unable to reach resolution, assistance is available from one of our mediators.