Notes on Discriminating Awareness
by Sandra Glickman & Krishna Gauci
Once you can begin to discriminate between your authentic sense of yourself and your conditioned being, gradually over time changes can take place.
Now is the time to bring in the deep masculine. There is a potential to become a life-long learner, manifesting vision. You may have to work for it, through learning and acculturation, but you are no longer doing so in service to ideals that are superimposed, but rather in service to your own deep impulses of Being.
Discriminative awareness brings a greater sense of the qualities that you need to develop (and are coming forth in you), and a growing sense of being clear about what is an impulse of Being, rather than a conditioned reflex.
In the more mature phases of the second life you may find that you become sick of yourself (and sick of others) merely vomiting out reactions (while you are internally just dwelling on those reactions , sinking in deeper and deeper). Meanwhile everyone else is just holding, holding, loving, loving. It becomes very wearing on the group process and (more importantly) wearing on you. Learning to hold this as you move beyond it is not always easy. We begin taking back our power and uncoupling the dominance of the angry wounded child.
The Larger sense of ourselves, whether it be as a more authentic self or as the Energetic Soul Nature or even Spacious Being cannot be sustained or fully trusted or stabilized unless the smaller senses of ourselves are allowed and embraced to be integrated. That is a foundation for the more mature phases of our work, but it is not the end.
The Deep Feminine:
In this path, we initially give the smaller wounded sense of ourselves center stage.
Because the small wounded senses of ourselves were originated in relationship, being heard and seen in relationship is needed for their reintegration. We thereby reclaim the energy that is bound in them.
“Don’t expect from Being what only relationship can give you or from relationship what only Being can give you”. -Sandra
We listen, see and feel without trying to fix, and energy and attention that was stuck there is freed. This is what is necessary in the beginning stages of our work.
Deep Feminine Default:
At a certain point the act of speaking, receiving attention and feeling better becomes a pattern in itself, beyond the actual ability to benefit from it.
It then becomes the habit of deep feminine default. We fall into the pattern that says: “If I speak from my wounded parts, I get the attention and I feel good”.
At some point we begin to rot out of this, and it no longer actually works for us. The problem is when folks think that all there is to our path is this pattern. They then don’t know how to move through this, and may either ignore the fact that they are rotting out it or lose heart, or both. It is of primary importance to notice when this rot begins to happen so you can apply the power of the deep masculine to the situation:
The Deep Masculine:
The deep masculine is the self-generated discipline of questioning, discriminating, consciously separating and holding oneself. This is an act of self-and-other care and nurturance in service to your whole Being.
-At a meditative/spiritual level this is an exploration of the mechanics of attention. It can be a deep curiosity about “how we tick” in terms of our internal experience. We may explore our process in terms of the relationships between attention and Consciousness, thought and feeling. We examine the “how” of contracting and expanding energy, attention and feeling. It is an exploration of the various layers of our experience of being at the soul level.
-At an emotional/psychological level this can be soberness and a reclaiming your power from your wounded, hurt and angry child. There is the clear recognition that while we deeply wish we would have been loved and seen more than we have been and that we also now feel much more seen and heard by speaking from these wounds, the past itself cannot be changed. At the level of the Core Wound there is more and more of a soberness and recognition of the wound as simply the way it is, rather than a complaint and resistance of our limits.
At first when this sobering happens people may feel they are deflated, that there is no passion in their lives or that things are flat. This is actually the bottom from which a new more creative cycle can come forth, using the more masculine dimension of ourselves in service to what we find truly and deeply fulfilling.
This is a lot of what taking responsibility for yourself means in the more mature phases of the second life.
Of course none of this can be forced or rushed and the challenge here is to be caring and gentle with yourself while being willing to look deeply.