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Because there is no me
And because I feel
How much there is no me.”
I love the above quote by Anna Swir (1909-1984) because it describes so accurately where I am finding myself after 36 years on the spiritual journey: The simultaneity of no-thing-ness and everything-ness, the emptiness out of which arise infinite sparkles of potentiality of embodied divinity.
A bit of history:
At age 27, the “Inner Journey”, to me representing consciousness awakening and personal development and deconditioning, became my life’s focus.
My first spiritual influences were OSHO’s teachings, specifically his commentaries on Buddhism’s “The Light Insight” teachings. For ten years meditations, such as Dynamic, Kundalini, and Vipassana and Zazen, along with personal growth groups and individual therapy was my life and I loved it! After my OSHO period, I dedicated myself to Mindfulness Meditation, Direct Path teachings, Byron Katie’s “The Work”, Shamanic journeying, Gabrielle Roth’s 5-Rhythms dance, and since 2005 Waking Down in Mutuality \ Trillium Awakening teachings. I had my Whole Being Realization six month into my engagement with the Waking Down dharma and became a Waking Down teacher in 2008.
I left Trillium Awakening in 2018, following an inner prompt to disconnect from all external influences and dive deeply into “my own spirituality as arising from within”. After two years of deepest inner work it became clear that Waking Down in Mutuality / Trillium Awakening teachings are my home base and that I would very much like to continue working and growing in “mutuality” with my fellow teachers and community members as well as support aspirants to shift into Whole Being Realization.
A couple of Personal Development / Spiritual Growth tools that I love and that supported me along the way are the Enneagram (type 9, Peacemaker with a strong 8, Challenger, wing) and the Human Design System (5/1 Projector with Emotional Authority). I am a practitioner of the Enneagram since 1990 and offer Human Design System consulting since 2014.
In addition to Trillium Awakening embodied consciousness awakening facilitation and Human Design System consulting, in the last few years, I have found deepest fulfillment in what feels like dharmic work for me as Hospice Nurse Aide. Being in the field of the death transition with patients and their families feels sacred and utterly fulfilling. I feel like a Christmas Tree with all lights on when I am working in Hospice.
I live in Tucson, AZ with my beloved husband Max Goler and my most adorable dog Ollie.
In August of 2020 I was diagnosed with Cancer. Being on the Cancer journey has profoundly deepened me into the Mystery of the Paradox of being both so very mortal and immortal.
Update January 2023:
Trillium Circling Presence Practice
“If you have come here to help me you are wasting your time, but if you have come because your liberation is bound up with mine, then let us work together.” ~Lilla Watson
Because of my heart’s calling to deepen my awakening in mutuality, for the last couple of years, I have been very immersed in We-Space work. I trained as facilitator in Authentic Relating in 2021 and certified as Focus Circling* Facilitator with The Relateful Company through their Level-Up program in 2022. It wasn’t easy because it brought up a lot of conditioned edges and deeply rooted ways of viewing the world and being in relationship that were outdated. As a result of this 9-month intensive training, I am feeling so much more anchored in my individual expression and trusting in Being as it manifests as me in One and All.
Every circling practice session deepens me in Presence and in present moment awareness and grounds me more in my unique manifestation as experienced in relationship. There is such a strong visceral experience of impersonal Presence and personal Presence simultaneously. And such joy in being with my practice partners and deepening together in relatefulness. I can’t get enough of it.
Curious about Circling and/or how it blends with Trillium dharma? Email me to schedule a personalized 90-minute Intro online session or attend my monthly TA Circling Presence Practice event on the 2nd Sunday of each month.
(*in very short: Circling is a relational presence practice, focused on present moment “arisings” in relationship. A profound relational meditation: noticing what is present in each new moment, learning to trust what is arising, sharing or not sharing what is arising. Being open and changeable as I receive impact from others and sharing impact with others in kind. Training attention/awareness to hone in on presence in self, other and the self/other field, the We-Space.)
How I support your embodied awakening process:
I consider myself a facilitator or spiritual friend rather than a teacher.
In an open-ended inquiry space, through deepest greenlighting and listening and pointing you towards your whole-being somatic experience in the moment, I assist you in getting in touch with your conditioned patterns, beliefs, and ego structures.
This simple (but not easy) paying attention / recognition process liberates consciousness held in fixed structures so it can recognize itself as “free agent”.
Now, liberated consciousness can experience itself as the flow of the unconditioned divine manifesting in the phenomenal world, it can experience itself as fluid aliveness in the NOW.
It appears that nothing in the inner universe is random – there is a logic to our beauty and to our brokenness. I’d be honored to help you discover this logic of your Being.
If there is interest, I love using the Human Design System and the Enneagram map to assist with this process. Both are powerful tools to come to a deep, layered understanding of one’s energy mechanics and personality blindspots.
I offer a free 30 minute “getting-to-know” each other session to feel into if we would be a good match for working together. Email me to schedule a free introductory session.
“We do not outgrow our phenomenal self. As long as we are
in this bodily life, it is our instrument…..we will
speak through it, act out of it, care for it, and do our
best to keep it in playable condition. The phenomenal
self has lost its allure as the presumed seat of our
being. Recognized at last for what it is,
a precious and serviceable tool, it is set
free to do its thing brilliantly, passionately,
and particularly as only a finite self can.”